If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it, that’s why men don’t cook.
It is true that housework won’t kill anyone, but why take the chance?
I’m not clumsy, it’s just the chairs and table are on my way.
The weight lost theory is totally wrong because the light in the fridge is for a midnight snack.
I usually reach late to office, but I always make up for it by leaving early.
The vending machine is my favourite machine in a gym.
I had seven theories of bringing up children before I get married; now I have only seven children with no theories.
The problem with expensive fine dining is that you never know whether you ate or not, five minutes later.
Insanity is a hereditary illness you get from your children.
It is amazing how a kid learns to drive a car real quick but is unable to operate the vacuum cleaner, snow blower and a lawn mower.
The news is where they begin with proper greetings and then proceed to tell you why there isn’t anything good.
An archaeologist is the greatest husband a woman can ever have, for the reason that the older she gets, the more excited he is in her.
Bisexuality doubles the chance of you getting a date on Saturday night.
The best time to give advice to your children is when they are young enough to believe that you know everything you are talking about.
A man will believe you if you say that there are 800 billion stars in the universe, but when you tell him that the bench has a wet bench, he just have to touch to make sure.
Diapers and politicians have one something in common; they should regularly be changed, and yes, for the same reason.
The magnificent human brain starts working the moment you are born and only stops when you stand up to speak in public.
Though Misers aren’t fun to live with, they do make awesome ancestors.
The odds of going to the store for a packet of flour and returning home with only a packet of powder are five billion to one.
I told my wife the truth that I’m seeing a psychiatrist, and she also tells the truth that she is seeing a therapist, a plumber and two bartenders.
To keep my children at home, I made the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of the tires.
There’s a thin girl inside of me struggling to get out, but I usually manage to sedate her with five or six cupcakes, with extra whipping cream.
To all men, for a happy marriage life, whenever you made mistakes, admit it; whenever you are right, shut up.
I have had bad luck with both of my wives, my first wife left me and my second wife didn’t.
There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human’s stupidity, but I am not so sure about the universe yet.