Comedy Quotes

Comedy Quotes

Comedy quotes if you want to laugh and to look for joy, I enjoy reading the following quotations 20 Funny Quotes of the most delightful beautiful quotations comedy.

Quote 1

If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it, that’s why men don’t cook.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 2

It is true that housework won’t kill anyone, but why take the chance?

Comedy Quotes

Quote 3

I’m not clumsy, it’s just the chairs and table are on my way.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 4

The weight lost theory is totally wrong because the light in the fridge is for a midnight snack.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 5

I usually reach late to office, but I always make up for it by leaving early.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 6

The vending machine is my favourite machine in a gym.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 7

I had seven theories of bringing up children before I get married; now I have only seven children with no theories.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 8

The problem with expensive fine dining is that you never know whether you ate or not, five minutes later.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 9

Insanity is a hereditary illness you get from your children.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 10

It is amazing how a kid learns to drive a car real quick but is unable to operate the vacuum cleaner, snow blower and a lawn mower.

funny quotes

Quote 11

The news is where they begin with proper greetings and then proceed to tell you why there isn’t anything good.

funny quotes

Quote 12

An archaeologist is the greatest husband a woman can ever have, for the reason that the older she gets, the more excited he is in her.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 13

Bisexuality doubles the chance of you getting a date on Saturday night.

comedy quotes about life

Quote 14

The best time to give advice to your children is when they are young enough to believe that you know everything you are talking about.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 15

A man will believe you if you say that there are 800 billion stars in the universe, but when you tell him that the bench has a wet bench, he just have to touch to make sure.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 16

Diapers and politicians have one something in common; they should regularly be changed, and yes, for the same reason.

stand up comedy quotes

Quote 17

The magnificent human brain starts working the moment you are born and only stops when you stand up to speak in public.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 18

Though Misers aren’t fun to live with, they do make awesome ancestors.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 19

The odds of going to the store for a packet of flour and returning home with only a packet of powder are five billion to one.

Comedy Quote

Quote 20

I told my wife the truth that I’m seeing a psychiatrist, and she also tells the truth that she is seeing a therapist, a plumber and two bartenders.

Quotes

Quotes

Quote 21

To keep my children at home, I made the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of the tires.

comedian quotes

Quote 22

There’s a thin girl inside of me struggling to get out, but I usually manage to sedate her with five or six cupcakes, with extra whipping cream.

Comedy Quotes

Quote 23

To all men, for a happy marriage life, whenever you made mistakes, admit it; whenever you are right, shut up.

humorous quotes

Quote 24

I have had bad luck with both of my wives, my first wife left me and my second wife didn’t.

Comedy Quotes

Comedy Quotes

Quote 25

There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human’s stupidity, but I am not so sure about the universe yet.

Comedy Quotes

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